Welcome to the wide, wide, wide, world of Human Puppies! It’s a wonderful place and an incredible community, however, there are common misstep that many newcomers make in the early stages of joining this incredible community… even some veterans fall into these situations which all stem from the same root cause and it’s time for someone to talk about it. Pay attention, because this is important.
Pupspace
First, what is Pupspace? Pupspace is, as with any headspace (Handler, Sub, Alpha, Dom, Boy, etc), an altered state of mind. How Pupspace is achieved is as varied as the expression of Pup, and there’s really no wrong way to go about finding, experiencing and expressing your Pupspace.
Now, why are we discussing Pupspace in a post titled “The Drug of Pup”? Well, we’re going right for the meat of this sandwich and identifying exactly what the Drug is… Pupspace is the Drug of Pup.
What do I mean by this? Like any Drug, Pupspace alters your state of mind. In doing so, it alters the manner in which you interact with your environment and the people in it as well as your perception of this environment and the people in it. Pupspace, like any headspace, is akin to a drug… an invisible drug that doesn’t require administration via pill, injection or otherwise… it’s built directly into your biology.
Get Padded
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*crinkle wags*
Holy crap! That sounds scary & dangerous!
HOLD ON! *insert record scratch*
Let me be clear… Pupspace as a drug, like most any headspace, is a PERFECTLY HEALTHY drug! In fact, I highly encourage everyone to give into headspace and allow yourself to experience this magical all natural drug! There is nothing inherently wrong or dangerous about Pupspace. Typical experiences for many who I’ve spoken to about their experiences with Pupspace are feelings of: euphoria, happiness, lowered inhibitions, increased feelings of friendliness, quieting of the mind, focused attention.
DISCLAIMER: Experiences vary pup-to-pup, but these are fairly common feelings that were similarly expressed by those I’ve spoken with.
I could bring up Neurotransmitters, Dopamine, Dopamine receptors and the like… however, I’m NOT a Doctor/Scientist/Biologist/Nurse or related… and we’re not here to discuss the science (though it really is quite fascinating), we’re here to discuss a specific observable reaction to this “Drug of Pup.”
Wait, what?!?
If there’s nothing inherently wrong or dangerous about Pupspace… then why are we discussing it?
It’s true! There’s nothing wrong or unhealthy about Pupspace. It’s a wonderful thing to experience, and can be both emotionally and mentally refreshing. Why I’m bringing this up is in relation to how many newcomers, and sometimes veterans, to he community react after experiencing Pupspace. I’ve observed this time and again; and I believe these situations stem from a lack of discussion about the effects of headspace that extend beyond “the moment.”
Oftentimes, newcomers experience some taste of Pupspace for the first time with other Pups. Be this a events, community gatherings, or even in smaller private gatherings. The experience of even a mild Pupspace can easily lead to misunderstandings and often the feelings that are being had do not get discussed in the moment… assumptions are made that everyone is feeling the same thing. Sometimes, veterans and newcomers alike all experience the High of Headspace, and without awareness this can be problematic.
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What exactly is the problem?
The problem that I’m specifically addressing, is centered around the assumption of relationship building. I can’t count how many times newcomers have, after an incredibly short period of time, approached me with the assumption that I’m going to be taking on the role of Alpha for them, taking them on officially as my Pup. By “short period of time” I mean anything from a single in-person conversation to as little as a brief online conversation.
It might sound strange, even silly, to some of you reading this… you might be thinking: “Nah… you must have lead them on in some way.” Ultimately though, that’s not the case. I’ve spoken to several other community members who’ve had many similar experiences. Alphie Yukon (Yukie to his friends) and I recently recorded a podcast to discuss this community problem… and two day’s later he shared yet another example of exactly what we were discussing.
I want to take a quick moment to be clear… Myself, Yukie, and others I’ve discussed this with; we’re not angry at anyone… it simply seems to be a gap in community education which I hope to address right here.
What is there to do about it?
First and foremost, the burden of responsibility falls on those newcomers to the community. Personal responsibility is IMPORTANT! You have to be responsible for and take ownership of your own actions, emotions, choices, decisions and the like. It’s important to be mindful, and pay attention to the reality of the situations you find yourself navigating.
Example:
I am often contacted by newcomers who desire to get started on their pup journey, and I’m more than happy to offer advice and be a friendly fellow Pup to encourage them along their path.
On numerous occasions, this friendly disposition has resulted in either the assumption that I’ve taken someone on as a Pup or a request for me to take them on as a Pup. Now, I’m actually very flattered to be asked to be someones Alpha… and although I don’t necessarily appreciate when it’s just assumed, it’s still similarly flattering. That’s an awful lot of trust to offer to someone, and to have it offered to me is incredibly humbling.
That said, these requests/assumptions often come about after sometimes very little conversation; other times it may even come after quite a bit of conversation… most of the time this is via online conversation.
Now, while there are many ways to be an Alpha to someone… one thing is universally true: an Alpha - Pup relationship is a RELATIONSHIP. That’s right… just like any D/S relationship, romantic relationship, platonic relationship… it’s a RE-LA-TION-SHIP… and just like any other relationship, this kind of relationship needs to be built and allowed time to grow naturally between those involved. Successful relationships don’t happen overnight, and although some form more quickly than others, there just is no magical “insta-relationship” that happens.
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*happy wags*
That doesn’t sound like much of a problem…
On the whole… if that were the end of the story, this would be a pretty short discussion. Unfortunately, what sometimes happens is two or more newcomers to the community jump into insta-relationships with each other overnight. These relationships are, like many relationships, hot an heavy at the beginning; but they progress at break-neck speed… and what I’ve seen happen time and again is the ultimate destruction of that relationship. Those involved, often leave the community behind; having had such a negative experience, they equate that experience to be synonymous with Puppy Play (or… insert scene here).
For the rest of the community, these implosions of relationships and disappearances of new friends is painful. I’ve seen whole communities that are somewhat closed off to newcomers because of these past experiences… taking more of a “wait-and-see” approach to newcomers, to see if they last; because the truth is it’s much more challenging to make friends as an adult than as a child, and when those new friends suddenly vanish it’s incredibly painful. So, this wait-and-see approach becomes a skill of self-preservation; at the same time, that approach also tends to drive newcomers together and reduce the likelihood of establishing welcoming mentor relationships… to help get those newcomers started down a healthy path of self discovery.
Handlers are not Immune
So far, I’ve been focusing mostly on the Pups (please apply the way I use the term “pup” to any animal role play you find yourself expressing)… however, this problem is not solely limited to the animal role players in the community. New Handlers in the community also make the same exact mistakes.
Handlers who make these missteps, seem to operate on similar wavelengths to the Pups. Lots of assumptions are made, and actions taken based on those assumptions. For instance, on many occasions (I’ve honestly lost count) I’ve been approached online by a new Handler/Master/Owner/insert-term-here demanding instant obedience and submission. Often the conversation takes a similar path… to paraphrase:
Handler X: I’d love to have a pup like you
Me: Thank ya
Handler X: So Pup, when are you gonna serve your new master?
No, that’s not an exaggeration. I have literally experienced that conversation on multiple occasions… too many to count. What none of the newcomers who engage in this seem to realize is that this is non-consensual Dom/Sub play… it’s violating… to be perfectly honest, I’m often so off put I usually just hit the block button rather than trying to educate this person… I only have so much personal bandwidth to deal with this kind of situation.
So, what do we do as a community?
Well… for starters: we talk about it. Which is, in my opinion, a very simple yet effective thing to do. Don’t shy away from discussing missteps like this, but do so in a productive/constructive manner by taking an educational approach. Education, can actually solve most problems.
Also, push yourselves! If you’re already a member of a community, and you notice that newcomers aren’t always finding an easy welcome.. be the first one to go and welcome them. Taking that step to welcome a newcomer into the community and offering them some suggestions & advice is a truly great way to give someone the tools they need to avoid missteps like this one and many others that happen.
Don’t be afraid to remind people that the only requirement to be a Pup/Handler is that one feels that they are a Pup/Handler. The individual expression of the Pup/Handler self is as infinite and varied as the individuals in this wonderful world-wide community of Kinksters! Things that many are eager to jump into: Relationships, Gear, Specific Roles, etc; should be things that come to each player in a manner that’s natural. Nobody should be going broke just to “be” a Pup/Handler… because it’s simply not necessary!
Puppy Play, for me, is a journey of self discovery rooted in the expression of my authentic self and unconditional love. Hopefully, by kick starting a conversation about the “Drug of Pup” and common missteps that newcomers, and sometimes veterans, of the community make… we can start combating this issue, snoot first.
Check out the companion Podcast with Yukie!
Farrstrider
Puppy Play is for Everybody! Pup Farrstrider, a Human Puppy in Seattle, enjoys sharing his journey and educating others about the benefits of the Puppy Play Lifestyle!
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